veran

.

2008-07-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

Bleak, the last glimpse of light frailing under the Kremlin's peak.

Yes the dearth of speech is deafening, as incorrigible as the senseless thoughts and unsound wisdom, a loud thunderclap jolting you apart.

For whom I truly wonder.

MEREDITH GREY!

2008-06-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

I dont understand certain people, want do they want?

1) Did u took the initiative? NO
2) DID I? YES
3) THEN? WTF
4) Why bother when someone is so proud of her life and i want to continue with mine.
5) I never gave up, you threw in the towel first.

Think about it. Seriously, stop and think.

Arseholes

2008-06-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

Last minute, they told me enough promoters already! After i went for their freaking product training in inhale massive volumes of 2nd hand smoke.
ARSEHOLES!!!

Finally done with watching 40 episodes of the Duke of Mount Deer. Ah, what an ending.
Starting hoarding wives loh... hahaha

To my patient readers, (If there are), I'll update less frequent. Nothing to write about there days. Either post-exams rants, mundane life whine, blah blah...

Time to begin something new, a new chapter maybe. How about the previous chapters? Have they gone to naught? How about a new book? Run, run, keep running and never look back.

End with a nice song

vivo

2008-06-06T12:07:00.000-07:00

HS treat us Marche today! Mushrooms, chicken, rosti, pork sausage and BEER!

To HS my girl (pause for 10 secs) friend,

Don't be depressed, while one's encounters might be unseemingly kind and naive. Never underestimate the guise and flair one might exhibit to portray the immaculate self. Never cry foul when one stabs through the cracks of a helping hand. Don't be fooled by their lips, for it serves more than just speak.

End of the day, just continue retail therapy with EC la.

Got moi clothes, only can send more emails and wait.

Please please please, call me for interview okkkkkk?

Sandra ohhhhhhhhhhh

2008-05-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

YES MerDer is Back!

Happy for Meredith!... I hope... seriously ya?

I reckon Christina Yang is the only dark and twisty resident left... maybe Izzie... and Alex..

Anyway the owner of this clip allowed it to embedded... thanks!
It screams volumes on how parallel my life could run with the show, snippets here and there, all at the same time... Who knows I might be the next intern... time to practice 'SERIOUSLY'

Sweet Serenade

2008-05-19T08:01:00.001-07:00

7 years ago, it was yesterday and today. Time files, but never my adoration for my cute Tomiko.

emo man!

2008-05-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

I wrote so fast, i forgot to breathe....

Icp was fun and not boring at all...

Goodbye my icp favs... all the best ya!

I got so many, i lost count lol oops.. Yes you can throw me into rehab

Have you ever wondered why every life changing moment you thought just came and flew by at the wrong time. What is it that can substantiate the moment of depressing notion that weaved around you and refusing to let go. You walk empty corridors and take empty lifts. If that is how this place, this life gives me, I plea for the hiatus of happiness to end. I cannot say you bequeathed me with nothing, no scar that would not heal, oxymoron i fret not. You say you liked that word, I thank you for that. Be it me or in my blood, I only could say, I would be there when all falters.

I digressed, I puked, thank goodness icp's over, ok no, catch-22.

Never say goodbye to your favs..... NEVER!

Ps: Hazel bro please do your job OK!

Porter~!

2008-05-14T09:49:00.000-07:00

He says firms require CHANCE!

lets chance it!

lets rock icp guys

arghhhhhhhh

2008-05-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

I freaking studied risk! and it came out...

But i never study the complementary examples...

FUCK...

I need to time travel

zomg she did!

2008-05-03T21:29:00.001-07:00

My dear sumiko wrote (whine), whatever on Sunday Times today. This time round it was about being a mother in the 40s. Not actually being one but the big 'what-if' she was. Having nieces and nephews over could be the best consolation prize and closest to parenting a single person could get. We all console ourselves don't we. May it be one day or two weeks, we get funneled back into the reality of our lifes.

What struck me was to imagine myself waking up one morning to see sumiko running out of stuff to whine! zomg. She did mention getting 'less broody', due to some biological changes.

This notion was depressing as i ate through my choco HL cornflakes. Its bad enough not to read her columns every sunday already. Not that i enjoy lambasting her life, its a telescopic view into mine. Yes i do want to see her happy,married and have children. Whining is good, its healthy and adds sour lemony flavours to stinky reality.

I already had someone pledging godmothership to my non-existent children last night. Its sometime i never would want in my mid 20s, really.

To my dear friends, please get married and have children.
Veran don't mind parent-prostituting for a day.

2008-05-03T06:01:00.000-07:00

Neverending White Lights - Distance

Scream out all the ways you notice
The past is gone, forget what you had
If you're the only one who knows it
Then you can't come back to me, I know
Do whispers of lovers always hold you way
underneath the tides in our minds?

Don't you wish you were here?
Don't you wish I was?
Something more than a mystery to uncover
Don't you wish I was?
Don't you wish we were?
Lovers without distance from each other

You say that you believe in all this
But you can't pretend for the sake of faith
Are we the only ones who mean it?
For all you give you take from me

Don't you wish you were?
Don't you wish I was?
Something more than mystery to uncover
Don't you wish I was?
Don't you wish we were?
Lovers without distance from each other
And I had wished you were
And I had wished we were
Lovers without distance, distance from each other

{If you see them}

Lovers without distance from each other

Do whispers of lovers

Grey's s4e13 is amazing.

Kate Walsh (Addison) came swooshing back into the OR in her killer Manolo blahniks.
' I needed to come back, to see that it was right to leave, you need to fill my position'....

Man marries his rebound girl in a spur of impulse due to a brain tumor, he died.

Grey's is back in da GAME! Guess as Meredith said "its the beginning of something incredible'

seeeeeeee laaaaaaaa

2008-05-02T05:58:00.000-07:00

Gosh im suffering from premature early life crisis.

1) You watch too much youtube

2) You watch too much 1 million stars season 3

3) You watch too much martha stewart

4) You don't think you watch too much

5) You are obsessed with singing and more singing

6) You feel like making a fool of yourself by singing

7) You start using your favourite contestant for our display pic

Gosh i love 林芯儀......

See what i mean?

so say nothing to me, except... 'Kiaaaaaaaaaaaa KTV'

Owning song

2008-04-28T05:52:00.000-07:00

窗外風鈴一直不安靜　風在搖晃不安的宿命
我聆聽　你回憶經過的聲音
開始旅行寂寞很清醒　我在靠近過去的邊景
有些　戀人只是　路過時的風景
曾經太過年輕　卻絕對真心
我給的愛是種任性　不懂花開只一次的愛情
曾經太過年輕　淚純真透明
你的堅定　我仍然還　相信
直到如今你說愛我的那封信
我一直都收藏著　摺疊用心　讓誓言乾淨
曾經太過年輕　在人海飄零
那些關於我的事情　總有你緊緊跟隨的聲音
曾經太過年輕　淚純真　透明
你的堅定　我仍然還　相信

Congrats Jas!

2008-04-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

My dear cousin aka er jie got married last Saturday, 10/10... great food great ambience at mandarian oriental.

I was taking the video during the solemnization process,

'For better and for worst'...

Its ringing in my head

Congrats to Ricky and Jas

Free flow of Shiraz, cute waitresses, vip table, what can i say, mmmmmmmmmmmmm...
not the mention the cute waitress that keeps asking me if i wanted more...... red wine *hics...

More pics once i get them :)

we were all once gay

2008-04-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

Dewie gave me her lucky penny for my bday, a decommissioned 1 Frank Belgium coin.

Its like the next best thing nxt to prada la.

Yes lets hope it will uncurse me ya!

Kudos to the EU common market!

Venti Venti Venti for ICP.

sis: u r like so gay

veran: im not.

sis: yes u r.

veran: you know, every baby is born with a female brain. the testicles will pump testosterones to male-dify the brain for guys.

sis: wow how did u know that

veran: i watched martha stewart faithfully

sis: ... that is gay, you muz had pumped not enough testosterones

veran: Im not

veran: ....

veran: hey!

veran: :(

Cheers for having a female brain once....

whiskey dry pl0x

2008-04-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

Chivas! really to roll, 2 more days to jas's wedding!

Dying without a liver supersedes dying without dignity.

teh 70's

2008-04-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

tis is the 70th post,

69 posts have been deceit, denial, betrayal.

People lie to win

People lie to prove themselves right

People lie because they forgotten wad was truth

People lie to blame, blame to win.

If winning wasn't enough they bring you down, they belittle you.

They all changed.

Like the green uniball refill, they make the pen but no GREEN refill.

I threw again the dried green ink, bought a new black refill.

A green uniball with a black existence, appalling.

No, lets get a brand new green pen anyway.

Lucky people use black/blue uniballs and buy refills.

Liars use uniballs with different ink

I choose to buy a new green pen everytime.

1 mountain cannot have 2 tigers!!!!

2008-04-18T20:05:00.000-07:00

Jet li was a strand of monkey hair.

Jackie Chan got shot in pawnshop which missed his heart.

He subsequently got shot while while riding a horse, was on the verge of death but drank the elixir of immortality which was not supposed to be his and survived.

Veran got shot on the left side of his chest, clean entry, clean exit.

He survived to blog, be it the point, no one would understand anyway.

He forgot to mention liu yifei aka gugu aka xiaolongnu aka wangyuyan, whom adopted a pseudo-self to address herself as a third party. Well, she died but went on to work in the golden sparrow.

Enter the forbidden kingdom.

He does not want anything from you anymore.

The recipe

2008-03-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

Some people make fantastic food blogs, so we have gastronomic porn..

Some people make fantastic cook blogs, so we can make a mess at home..

Some people make fantastic travel blogs, thats definitely scenic prostitution..

I'll try to make a life blog,

We need:

1 HUGE bowl of your favorite Ice-cream...

1 favorite fruit

1 YOURSELF

Steps:

Drop that fruit into the HUGE bowl of your favorite Ice-cream, give it a good stir....

Next, dive straight into that bowl of ice-cream, woooo thats cold...

Now, you are regretting why you ain't wearing some goggles.. JUST TOO BAD!

Objective:

Find your favorite fruit.

Gosh, sounds like fear-factor indeed...

As you blindly swim around, your right hand brushed across something. You realized it was that fruit you dropped in. Hey! ain't my objective! The fruit. As you frantically try to swipe it, its pushed away, the viscous Ice-cream makes it hard to swim around and totally reduces your vision to near zero. Heck that fruit you say? Why am I doing this. This SUCKS.

Life is about never knowing when you would brush across the fruit again and torture of swimming inside Ice-cream.

I like Vanilla.

Yes, it might sting my eyes. But its just vanilla.

When will my tenure end, come break my bowl.

Seriously, did you really drop the fruit inside? I might had just ate it already.

Yes Indeed

2008-03-12T20:24:00.001-07:00

Some say blogging is like writing a diary. Keeping your memories locked in, remembered.

I'll say its a crypt-ed notice board, leaving your msgs discreetly for that something to find.

No matter what, It serves good purpose 10 years down the road, when you are all so career-driven, to sit back and read what you felt 10 years ago. (If I manage to live that long that is) You will see how much you wanted to be and what you had become can be so uncannily different, nothing had changed or nothing was done to change it. Dreams vanish the instant you forsook it, never once it came back.

I saw The One at Starbucks, busy hammering away on her laptop. 2 years indeed. Blogging and Philosophy found their roots from her. This blog started because of her. It was the great inspiration. Epitome of Beauty, Wit and Personality, no one has ever dethrone her all this while.
Is this the trait of all Great Aries'? I wonder.

The twist however was with someone else. Yes, another Aries indeed.

I wanted to use the trip to the museum to sort things out. I tried to be friends, but the thought of going no-where is not what I want. Just be friends, how easy to say so.

Well, it turned out to be not quite I expected. I'm sorry I'll just have to chance it. I can't survive on meagre stipends of ' Who-knows-what'. Its time to take a backsit. Face the slap of cold-hard-reality.

Everything turned into the Great Delusion. Every post that strive to be positive went back to zero. I need a change, seriously. Gimme that vending machine please.

Thanks to Raw for the camera and offering to do some editing. Nice work!

silence

2008-03-05T07:30:00.000-08:00

silence...

No one at home...

Mum off to work...

Getting tons of sleep past noon...

Never was, and Never going to Be...

Seriously, when is it going to happen, I wait in silence.

the cny preamble

2008-02-17T06:42:00.000-08:00

Its the Lunar New Year!

Sort of late to wish my dear readers a wondrous year ahead. Guess you people might have been wished aplenty, Its no harm to add in your N-th GONG XI FA CAI!

Its my longest CNY ever... watched quite a number of movies and ate kilos of Bwa Kwa and wasted much time playing my DS.

So right now im super lagged in my project....

Hope im nt so screwed afterall....

chiong chiong chiong!

Sunday Times

2008-01-27T08:09:00.000-08:00

As Sumiko Tan said in her column today, single people tend to run out of ideas to write. Yes, its so true. Everything starts to get so mundanesque. You won't want to know i ate pizza on Saturday or yada yada yada. Get the point?

Singlehood also spells damnation... like certain topics you say with your buddy raw. We are SO gonna burn... BURN BURN BURN.

It Sunday... and like every Sunday the house is quiet. The fact that my parents went Taiwan doesn't make any difference. They ain't around on weekends anyway. As i slumped on the sofa, I felt so bored. Utter boredom hit me. The desire not to move a single muscle in my body (Which I own much really) was so intense. Its overwhelming. The sheer amazement of how oneself can be such a bumper was.... incredible... till you can believe it... YES YOU ARE SLACK!

Nietzsche hit me, Whoever despises himself nonetheless respects himself as one who despises.

Why how sweet...

I have respect, now i need is motivation.

earn big bucks

2008-01-10T09:46:00.000-08:00

earn big bucks... and open a bookshop... nothing beats that... thats life to me.

2 hrs at kino... seems like 10mins... thats quality time...

Ayn Rand was right.

She is so right.

When will you be mine?

Goodbye 2007

2007-12-30T01:06:00.000-08:00

2007 Fuck off and don't come back. Period

If you are only concerned and nothing else..... I rather you not.

Something I want but you won't give.

How do you want me to feel, and how can I only feel the way you want me to.

Please, cut me some slack.

Please tell me you are ready to give.

No-one-gives-a-fuck post

2007-12-11T05:15:00.000-08:00

No one writes as dark as Sarah Waters. I doubt you won't know unless u managed to finish 'The Night Watch'.

The lesbian Trilogy

Tipping the velvet

Fingersmith <------- GOOD NAME!

Affinity

All tales of lesbian romps... oh my.. what a trilogy....

LOTR? Matrix? Take that! aha...

During period when the whole northern hemisphere and most of the southern hemisphere are preparing to celebrate Xmas...

Folks like me are preparing to survive it. Dodging barrages of love, joy and freaking happiness.

I hate happy people.

I hate Xmas.

Folks like me came out with some survival guide.

1) Don't go out... Simple as that... JUST STAY AT HOME!

2) Stock up on beer

3) Stock up on books (See above for book reviews)

4) Stock up on chips

5) Remember to pay your internet bills

DO NOT VENTURE OUT UNLESS....

1) You ran out of beer/chips

2) You like to be humiliated

3) A hot babe presses the doorbell. (Which is very unlikely to occur)

Right!! Got them?

We are geared up for Xmas woohoo!!

Brief Encounter

2007-12-02T09:28:00.000-08:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brief_Encounter

watched 'The History Boys' today...

One of the movie scene.... the boys acted out a scene from 'Brief Encounter'

Hector said it was an antidote...

I wonder...

Shall we dance?

2007-11-28T10:03:00.000-08:00

"We need a witness to our lives.
There's a billion people on the planet...
I mean, what does any one life really mean?
But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things...
All of it, all of the time, every day.
You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.
Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness."

http://www.uoregon.edu/~chli/dance.html

I can't find time to watch the ORIGINAL Japanese version. Darn

le dandelion

2007-11-06T03:22:00.000-08:00

Some wounds never heal. If you remember that fateful day which made it reopen. It never actually healed. Maybe the pain that came with it faded away with time. Think harder, its all self-inflicted, you caused it to happen.

If I'm a flower, I would be a dandelion. A dandelion that somebody took noticed, tried to pluck but gave up. Here I am dangling by my stalk. Waiting, waiting for the wind to blow me away. I'm just hanging in, damn.

Don't ask me what the girl said, I'm pondering about that just like you because I don't know.

Maybe the girl said:

Even its a sip of pain, Its eternity. Remember this day, the day you believed everything would go away.

The water and the cup

2007-10-28T00:36:00.000-07:00

Am I so pessimistic?

The guy with the cup half empty. No you are wrong, My cup was FULL.

Beats the guy with the cup ALWAYS empty right?

Reminds me of story.

A wandering traveler, passing through a small town. It was sunset. He was traveling for 4 days straight and was thristy. He walked towards the town well and found that it was guarded. A burly villager stopped him.

Big strong guy: The well cannot be used by anyone today. The holy man needs it. You have to wait till sunrise, for then the holy man will be gone.

As a wanderer looking for no trouble, he retreated to a corner of the town square. Looking around, he saw villagers gathering. Many of them looked thirsty for the looks of their dried lips.

He went to sit beside an old man.

Traveler: Who is the holy man? What are you people waiting for?
Old man: No one knows. He knows everything and told us not to drink for a day. He going to make a speech soon. Hush.

A crowd starts to gather. Everyone was quiet. Waiting for the holy man.

As it approaches dusk. A small hooded figure walked towards the centre of the square.

He took of his hood. Grasps and noises emerged from the crowd. The holy man is a young girl!

Old man: I see, he appears in different forms, aha, he was an old man when I saw him 60 years ago.

Girl: Come lets drink. Everyone hold a cup of water from this well for it has been blessed. BUT! Drink only after I tell you to.

Every villager took a cup. The young girl took a cup, walked towards the traveler and the old man.

Girl: I remember you, old father. Do you want to take a cup too?
Old man: Thank You. I am old, give it the traveler. If I understood, I don't need it anymore.

The traveler humbly took the cup and looked into the contents of the wooden cup.
Whats so special about the water?

The young girl walked backed to the centre. She smiled.

Girl: Now drink as much as you liked from the cup. Any amount you want. After that, give me the remaining water if you have any, for I have some use for it.

They drank, some gulped down everything, others drank half. Everyone was different.

Old man: Drink, my friend.

The traveler was thirsty, but he was weathered and he could wait till sunrise.
He only took a sip.

Traveler: Let me see what is she going to with my water.

Girl: Ah, I see everyone has finished. Let me say something, the water in the cup is actually all the sorrows, fears and sadness everyone is going to face in the future. I shall drink down the your sorrows, fears and sadness for you.

There was a commotion again. A man that drank the whole cup fell onto his knees and cried. Many like him followed.

Some that drank only a little like what the traveler did smiled.

Old man: Well done, my friend.

The young girl drank the remains of every single cup. The traveler was last in line. When it was his turn, the girl looked terrible. She had too much.

Traveler: Why did you do this?
Girl: Your sorrows are mine. That is my job, because you believed.

She took the traveler's cup and smiled.

Girl: Only a sip.

She drank every single drop and collapsed into the traveler's arms.

No one knew what happened to the girl. A carriage came and picked her.

The traveler set off at the next sunrise. He was different inside, he knew it. For the girl whispered something into his ears when she collapsed.

Girl: __________________________________________

Lalala, Don't tell YOU!

Seriously

2007-10-25T08:07:00.000-07:00

I got nothing to say... odd

seriously.

Bright and Shiny

2007-10-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

The dark and twisted one finally became bright and shiny.

'You are free to go' a voice mellowed across the azure sky.

5 months, heck of a time. I tried breaking out, fighting it, waited, and learn to live with it.

This time, for real, the lock fell apart. I could finally breathe.

Alas, I'm bright and shiny.

Me, myself and my laptop

2007-10-15T01:43:00.000-07:00

Life is not ordinary. Its busy. Extremely busy when you start to work on what needs to be done and do what needs to be worked on. So you got the point? My point is, with internet and adobe acrobat reader, I can easily spend my days in front of my laptop reading infinite pages of pdf files for my research. The question is will I get bored? No, I won't. I can watch youtube, and all the freaking shows online. Amazing right, but its pathetic. Downright pathetic. I don't even have to step out of my house. I'm even 1% an unworldly Information system guru. I'm an undergrad. UNDERGRAD! Hell, this is crazy.

Making mountains out of molehills you might say. But yeah, they brought the mountain to me.
I made myself comfortable with the mountain. I started inhabiting inside. Grow hair and beard and don't cut them. How nice.

Seriously, why am I even blogging when I'm so busy. Its fun. Its damn bo-liao. Its like eating a bag of potato chips and drinking beer. Its a comfort thingy. I could rant on and on.

It's a me affair. Personal, but put it bluntly, its lonesome. Part of the moving on hoo-haa. So its me me me me me me me me me me, no you you you you you you.

Lucky I'm at home right now, because it just started raining again.

Falling awake

2007-10-12T09:57:00.000-07:00

Walk away and never look back. What they say was true.

Never take candy from strangers. They poison you. Damn they were so fucking true.

I drew a line. I swear I'll never cross it again. never.

FALLING AWAKE by Gary Jules

Eagle in the dark
Feathers in the pages.
Monkeys in my heart
Are rattling their cages.

Found a way to blue
And another ghost to follow
Said “it’s only up to you”
And that’s the hardest pill to swallow.

You never get to choose
You live on what they sent you
And you know they’re gonna use
The things you love against you

One foot in the grave
One foot in the shower
There’s never time to save
You’re paying by the hour

And that’s just the way it goes
Falling awake
And that’s just the way it goes

Slipping through the bars
Aware of the danger
Of riding in the cars
Taking candy from strangers

And it’s never out of hand
Never out of pocket
I’m supersonic man
Do you wanna buy a rocket?

And that’s just the way it goes
Falling awake, falling awake
Oh that’s just the way it goes
Falling awake, falling awake

Eagle in the dark
Feathers in the pages
Monkeys in my heart
Are rattling their cages

I could learn to play the game
I could learn to run the hustle
If I only had the brains
The money or the muscle

cabbages

2007-10-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

Guess what, I feel like a kampong boy. Why? My house reeks of rotting cabbage. Apparently my mum is on another one of her culinary quest to make something out of cabbages. So, why the smell of cabbage, she's trying to sun-dry the cabbages for some reason which i can't entirely fathom.

So thats why my house stinks.

Weekend was great. BBQ with the auditors of Nexia Tan and Sitoh.
AUDITORS SURE CAN DRINK!

Heard some great news today. I'm elated.

For now my mind is empty. My copy( If Plato was correct), doesn't seem to be quite productive these days. I stopped being critical. Thus nothing to write on, even though I think that Sarkozy is fantastic, I just can't keep pace.

I felt so nonchalant for once. 9 months already. Its always the same old recipe of doom. 2 knockouts, 2 strikes, 1 more and I'm out.

It will haunt me no more, I had done enough humiliating acts to shame a court jester.
Its time for a closure.

the big unknown

2007-10-04T11:08:00.000-07:00

Thinking of a research project sucks. Got to value-add, be feasible, academic enough, blah blah blah, thats more ingredients than cooking a pot of Indian curry. With 2 ideas already thrown out, I can't imagine how many more would be. BRING THEM ON!

If one closed door brings about other new doors, I reckon my new door is freaking small, cos I can't find it.

30 mins prior to writing this post I was like on a brink of an academic breakthrough. Seems to me that I might had found something good to work on. Well, after that adrenline and googling, Its not.

OK..I lied, It was. But I stopped and looked at the number of tabs in a webpage.. I was like woAHH...

It was something I never noticed till now.

Back to the basics they say, I nearly forgot what I always intended to do, to improve the current IPU.

Yes, the big unknown. Its created by many small unknowns.

Unknown about the fact my next thesis idea would work.

Unknown about how soon my deferment gets processed.

Unknown about how the technician would go about fixing my watch.

Unknown about what I should do next.

See.. my second pot of Indian curry already.

Im not trying to scrutinize Indian food. But the show I saw on Arts Central just now totally left me gaping. This Angmoh cook just throws everything into the pot and keeps emphasizing how easy it is to cook Indian food. Totally regardless of how tedious it is to prepare the spices.
Ought to be shot.

Its weird to say its true.
But I guess she's the biggest unknown of them all, lets leave it to fate.

Coming Sat... drown myself with tequila... meredith-style. I just can't wait.

zai...........

2007-10-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

We were in les's car today and form of reckoning occurred concurrently to 3 of us....

WHERE IS OUR FUCKING LIFE!

Seriously, chicks are everywhere... and? So? What are we doing in a car, waiting the traffic light to turn green in the middle of Orchard Road.

Contemplating?

Something is bad.

Something is seriously wrong.

Meredith

2007-09-24T21:27:00.000-07:00

Been watching Grey's Anatomy for the past weeks. Its not like LOST, Prison Break or Heroes which are thrilling, action-packed, dark and twisted. Its just medical interns trying to live their lives in a SGH. Not our national hospital but Seattle Grace Hospital.

Depicts the true, raw and frail nature of us, Humans. Everyone has a problem, but not everyone is so freaking good at handling them. So? Seriously?

Right now, I feel so 'Meredith'-ed.

Raw said I shouldn't had.

Seriously.. Seriously

It doesn't matter anymore.

Enjoy. I believe to the most heartbreaking scene of season 2.

Don't play play.....

2007-09-21T09:42:00.000-07:00

2nd wk only and Im studying... studious hor?

my 3 R's

realize- that you don't wake up now, you never will.

rectify-all my lazy and procrastinating problem

resuscitate-and bring my life back to me

If this was your last day on earth, how would you spend it?

Self-containment

2007-09-19T21:20:00.000-07:00

2nd week into fray I got myself into, 6 mods, Its relatively under control. Well, I hope so, because during OT, I don't really understand what is Sunny talking. It was sociology, then economics, then psychology, then about him going church, then about spurs losing to arsenal. Thats OT, thats Sunny and thats all the help I could get. Before that, It was Patricia rambling about how much she likes Ribena. Worst, Its was Abel making lame pun-shots and silly jokes. What a charade.

I saw you 4 times today, yes all of it was coincidental. You seem to make gravity 10 times stronger on me. Blood don't seem to flood to my brain whenever i see you, I can't talk and think coherently, and that sucks. All that humor gets sapped out of me, and thats bad. Its like scoring 34 for an UOL paper. I might say 'yeah, Its Ok, you passed', but its just not enough. I want to do better, but I really don't know how. You ain't telling me anything. That hope that I hold on to, to prevent me from being consumed by the sheer power of feeling powerless, is at the same time draining me. I thought i had dropped it, but no, its still in my hands.

I'm become like one of those miserable people, other people sees it as a disease, something that you brought onto yourself willingly. In the beginning, everyone's so supportive, they want to talk to you and readily wants to listen. Slowly, you get so tired of repeating the same thing over and over again, you stopped acting so miserable to let your friends feel assured that they done their part and its over. In fact, its not, and you cannot let the murk overflow and overspill because you don't want people to nag at you.

Most common phrases heard:

'Why can't you let it go.'
'You got to forget it.'
'I told you so.'
'I thought you were over it already?'

See? Get my point? Its all about containment, and about keeping that old disease.
The hard truth is, no matter how much people whisper into your ears, the only person that can help yourself is, You.

need for speed...

2007-09-16T09:41:00.000-07:00

I bought my KAYYYYYAno.......... ASICS GEL-KAYANO 13

Got 30% discount at runners lab.

Run like hell.

Its time to run. Yes, literally. But running away.

Drop the pain and run, and hope, seriously hope it won't catch up.

If it really does, the most common solution to managing pain is, to push through it.

Godspeed.

what the odds..

2007-09-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

I love psychology before...

now...... I love it MORE!

What are the chances to know a young, elegant lady that emanates wit and geek. Full of zest and sophistication.

Someone that likes to use movie quotes.

Dont get me wrong... she doesn't sit 2 rows in front or 2 seats beside...

She's the one explaining the powerpoint slides.

She's my ESAP lecturer.

Day 1

2007-09-12T09:45:00.000-07:00

Im finally back in SIM! Everything seem so different.

I packed 3 lectures on wednesday, the results was suicidal. I am so drained to my very fingertips. Imagine having Patricia and Sunny ALL over again for Mktg and OT respectively. SFEN in the morning was borrrring.

9 hours of lecture with approximately 2.5 hours of break............... Hara-kiri

Mondays

2007-09-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

For the past 2.5 months, Mondays were dreadful.
I would wake up, drag myself to the bathroom, drag myself to the bedroom, drag myself to the living room and drag myself to the mirror before my door.

As I did my last minute touch-ups to my hair, the mirror on the wall would scream ' Go earn your money already you lazy tart!'.

Mondays became a little different today. I would drag myself to the living room, and contemplate.

Its noon already, the weather's bleak, Im hungry and I ran out of coffee.

Everyone's telling me to give up. What do we have to hold on to anyway?

Goodbye IPU

2007-09-07T11:53:00.001-07:00

LAST DAY at IPU!

technically its my last day... but everyone is betting that i would come back... >.<

I wanna say thanks to

Huishan my 'girl.......(pause for 10 secs)...............friend'
Annie '學姐'
Eileen 'ex ex ex-part time'
karen, leng and joyce

Wanna say good luck to Amanda the new IPU 'slave'.. whahahaha

Thanks for accommodating to my emo attitude, lateness, tantrums and all the 'in-your-face' treatments...

No fancy farewells.. just donuts and lots of laughter

.. darn really think i will be back eh!

banshee

2007-08-29T08:36:00.000-07:00

Its cool outside. Nevertheless, not caving in and self preservation might be most important for now. Stark truths works better than a bucket of cold water over my head.

Yes it might be cold.

as cold as the vapidness of sms content.

Goosh Im so in need of Ayn Rand.

You are so not gonna mess with my head.

881! 搖啊搖

2007-08-28T09:15:00.000-07:00

881 add a zero and u can buy 4D.

Royston Tan beats Mr Liang Po Po HANDS DOWN... Talk about movies man

一人一半感情不散 beats itchy itchy ya ya

If you cant find a date... watch it with your mum (she'll love u)

It worked for me...

You could wait.. cos time will prove everything.. but what if i dont even have the time?

simply.. marvelous

Never knew hokkien can be so beautiful...

Its all about the frog in the well...

2007-08-24T19:27:00.000-07:00

Yes... I knew I was correct when i started on this "frog in the well' philosophy.

This story i would tell was monologue told by Veran the frog as he lives in his well, summing up his experiences.

Frogs.

Creatures that dwell inside the well. Their world is dark and wet and.. yeah u got the idea right? The only light they get is the light coming in from the open of the well during the day.

Swans.

Swans are mystical creatures living outside the well. Not much are known about them except that they fly. It can be seen as they occasionally fly across the mouth of the well during the day.

Life of a Frog.

Pretty much mundane, hanging out with their froggy friends. Get married and have children.. etc.. all inside their well.

Life of a Swan.

Pretty much unknown. Often seen flying around what the elder frogs call 'the paradise'. They do get married.. with other swans of course.. duh.

The sad life of a frog.

The melodrama unfolds when the frog, let it be male or female, got to know a swan.

TO be cont....

timewarp

2007-08-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

Apparently, I time-warped back 6 mths ago and if i could use 1 word to describe everything the word would be.... FUCK-ED...

The rainbow you build over my head crashed... the kaleidescope of colors came falling down... falling down.. falling down...

The myriad of colors filled my senses like a rushing tide.... im blinded... choked and almost drowning

save me... please

Black dog

2007-08-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

sometimes when u r down...

troubled

dunno what to do...

after hearing the 'get a life, get a dog' phrase from me.

PLEASE! Do not get a Black dog for god's sake.

‘Black Dog’ used to describe the mental illness known in medical jargon as Depression. Numerous definitions on the Internet describe ‘Black Dog’ as meaning depressed, having the blues, being melancholic or with ill humour. ‘Depression’ can be defined as a state of morbidly excessive melancholy, mood of hopelessness and feelings of inadequacy, often with physical symptoms.Therefore, it can be said Black Dog and Depression are expressions for similar dispositions with the former applying to perhaps the milder end of the continuum

If my dear readers.. are indeed diagnosed.. pleeeeease... reader's discretion is advised..

FYI Winston Churchill had it... seriously...

Lines

2007-08-16T06:29:00.000-07:00

Its all about Lines.
The finishing line on the end of residency,
Waiting in line at a chance at the operating table,
And there's the most important line,
The line separating you with the people you work with.
It doesn't help to get too familiar, to make friends.
You need boundaries between you and the rest of the world.
Other people are far too messy.

Its all about Lines.
Drawing lines in the sand
and praying like hell no one crosses them.

At some time, You have to make a decision.
Boundaries doesn't keep other people out, They fence you in.

Life is messy, that's how we are made.

Here's what I know,
If You are willing to take the chance,
The view from the other side................. is Spectacular.

-Grey's Anatomy s01e02

nothing.. further down the yellow brick road

2007-08-15T07:50:00.000-07:00

The only thing i wanna do now is to plug into corrinne may and listen to her all day long.

another day.

I should choose to be oblivious.

alas, another locked door. Many would paint a huge 'KEEP OUT' sign and bar it for eternity.

guess thats my strawmanesque panorama...

think again, what would i find in emerald city?

Wizard of Oz-ed

2007-08-14T06:45:00.000-07:00

Pretty amused by whats happening...

Im stricken with flu halfway thru work, means im not 'free'

You are sort of 'free' again...

Last minute surprises never fails to cameo my life

Thats its magical way of bending roads that makes them deviate from their intended destination.

down down down my yellow brick road.....

de-hiatus ed

2007-08-10T08:52:00.000-07:00

Having been posting for several weeks now. Must be starving and depriving my dear readers of my intellectual snippets, fret not, I shall be ranting on in a while.

Working sucks, serious. However as you observe your pay increasing with the extra hour you are slogging through. For that moment, only for that moment, everything seem so worthwhile. Its like a curse, leeching on your soul, you like it take it away from you. Slowly, you get wearier every morning, hot shower don’t work, coffee neither. Like all Sisyphean tragedy, I end up pretty frustrated, rolling that rock aint easy. A few more weeks and Im out of there, hang on.

Reservist was good, slack, lasted only 5 days and its HIGH key. How good can it get?

Thanks to cheewei for covering me during the reservist period. Great, now we are punching in the god-knows-how-much numbers together. Always great to have a friend to work together with, especially trying to fight the zzz demon.

That leech from work follows me around, always embroidering in a shroud of weariness. Seems like Im always in a limbo, voids my mind.

Still stuck in my current read which seems forever to finish.

When was the last time you tired something so hard but it was not reciprocated. Whats the correct strength to hold a pigeon lest it would fly away nor being crushed to death, I still ponder.
What actually is our relationship right now? Two people seperated by a line. Looking at it? or preparing the turn your back and walk away...

No point getting melodramatic, I need my sleep.

rest-a-bit

2007-07-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

End of my work stint for now. Going for rest-a-bit (reservist). I need my rest, its crazy, punching in numbers till my fingers are sore.

They should have something in the job description,
*Must be able to work in a super-fast working*
*able to take heavy sarcastism*
*able to withstand long unpredictable working hours*

*able to punch in numbers without looking at the keyboard at the speed of light*
Do gape in awe, im able to do it.. hah!

Welcome to Citibank's Item processing Unit.

Seriously, Im underpaid, and at the lowest of the corporate foodchain, rawwwwwwwwwwr...

Heck, im not complaining. Im just describing whats happening. I like working, I get OT, get to work with those crazy people there. Its fantastic. Sure, its no life, but you make your own life.

Back to rest-a-bit, I cannot pass my IPPT thats for sure. sucks... First high-key with the uncle Nsmen woohooo... I sure it would be interesting..

I have a stunning business idea.. Selling funky coaster with slogans on it.
If you dont know what is it, and dont use it, go get a life...
I need your money, please invest with me.

My work

Ok... maybe it need some improvements *wink*

Reflections

2007-07-04T07:01:00.000-07:00

I actually told jasline my passion was blogging. Thinking back, is it? I started blogging to unleash my angst and i had ALOT at that time. Perhaps i was a mimic, trying desperately to get her attention. She moved away from my life and so did i, even so, strands of her lingered, its not her, at least its people closest to her.

Hell, blogging is fun, and i shall continue blogging... even though my hits are low low low, its not important...

I hate life at Citibank, its monotonous and dreadful. You never know when you get to knock off.
I hate the bloody copier beside my space.
I hate the new 'Dictator'.
I hate sleep to work and work to sleep.

Counting my days... 2 more months

and YES i think of you all of the time.

The angst seems to be diminishing. Like a festering wound, healing partially. I pick at it, it rots.
Im oblivious to the pain. Somehow, it fuels my strive, changes me, weakening me. Glad to have my friends by me. Im indecisive, i need their advice, I bear everything to them.

When will i see that light.

Sarah Waters is a GENIUS... THE NIGHT WATCH... go read it. Everyone's inner demons are so well portray, heh mine are.

Good luck for your TP on friday.... :p

Transcendence

2007-06-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, my exams for yr 2 are officially OVER.

Was finally able to meet huifen for dinner. Was great, maybe i was too queasy, heh.

Without wasting much time, im back to work at Citibank.

The borrowed zest to tide me over my exams came wearing down on me, I feel so drained and hollowed. A creepy sense of nothingness.

Lets face it. I dont like to change. Things just aint the way It was anymore. Some are, but thats not important, because u aint.
The problem with coping with change is that they dont show. The usual exterior pairing with the different interior. That is chilling.

Serendipity, as the previous post suggested. I assumed i had found something. But now, it seems like it was just a mirage, an oasis that can never quench the thirst often only knowing upon dying with dehydration. Well, you wont want that to happen.
I want to believe its isnt. I was thinking whether i could keep up with this, Im always behind, barely keeping up.

Its time to stop thinking and start working on it, lets put an end to all this.

Starting working, reading and exercising.

Serendipity

2007-06-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

May crashed and the tide receded. Mktg and Ot was done fairly well. Isdm was a disaster. Oh well, I could do with a little bit of lucky. YES i haven't been blogging for like a mth? Exams, those wicked little monsters that torment you day and night, mocking and provoking you. Come next wed, all would be over.

Sans the exams, MAY was a GOOD mth. GOOD would be a understatement. Maybe i thought, i could had just found something i was looking for all along. Serendipity, they say, finally understood how magical it can be. A dream you say? We shall see.

Bought a LAppy.. woohoo

Courtesy of my uncle, i got a 1500 bucks rebate... smashing

White Sony Vaio C ... a perfect compliment to my whorish vainpot-ish and POSEUR nature.

Yes!!! Poseur alert, Ladies and Gentleman. Im here

Attended Marion's Bday, one more cross on the famed social calender.

Attended Mei shan's Bday the following, ate the best bday cake ever.

Got mesmerised by Shawn Colvin.

The entity of light might had just got bigger. Or izit the darkness just got a little paler.

10 more days to EICT, 10 more days to salvation.

Beguiled

2007-05-01T05:54:00.001-07:00

April swept past me
The silly self loathness sense or being hasn't been diminishing much. The momentum of confidence that was supposed to build up ain't happening. Instead, its was a sudden surge of realization. Forgiveness, even it is wastefully mismanaged, won't happen this time. It should not. The things that were perceived robbed was blindly squandered away. How many times have I forgiven myself for the procrastination. The zest of yesterday never jumped across the stroke of the hand.
To be won over too easily by my own unease, damnit.

Brace yourself, thy time is near.

Happy Birthday to me

2007-04-19T09:53:00.000-07:00

Seriously who needs one anyway... blah

im 23 officially, and for the past 2 days i have a sore gastric-like pain at the right side of my stomach...

shudders... Having someone patting on your back saying 'Son, appreciate your 23rd, don't take your 24th for granted' is scary.

When your mum starts to buy you medical insurance, you sure know something is not right.

Oh well, I on going to see the doctor on Monday.

Which means,

the vodka have to wait

the beer have to wait

Going to St James on Saturday have to wait

Arghh smite me please.

While lamenting on my plight,

I wanna say,

Oh Fuck, Happy Birthday to Me... blah

anthony bourdain

2007-04-18T04:40:00.000-07:00

http://www.anthonybourdain.com/

Check out Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations

Every Monday 9pm at Arts Central

Trust me. :)

hypocritical ignorance

2007-04-15T10:53:00.000-07:00

Felt like wasting away some moments of my life away before i go to bed. Today marked the last day of my UOL rev... 4 more local sessions to go. 2 pax marketing 2 pax ISDM. Glenn Morgan was boring, quite disappointed actually. Academics are acedamics afterall.

What really irked me today was the idea of campus life, hypocritical ignorance i would say.

(It describes behavior or speech that is intended to make one look better or more pious than one really is.) got the meaning off Google.

Taking or assuming certain qualities without knowing it(ignorantly), is disturbing.

SIM life is mundane, certainly due to my chosen modules(and degree) which totally detached me away from the gang. With my habitual whims of not attending class worsens the situation, you end up with nothing. Which in My opinion is very sad, many would think likewise. Something that has not happened to me before, I assumed adaptation was an easy feat for me. Now, it has proven it wrong. Fed-up with people asking me why why why. I don't know.
Approaching the end of yr 2, like... what? My memories are vague.

Reminds me of a quote of Arts Central
Irritating people are: Happy people. You know you can't be happy and yet u pretend to be. Thats irritating

How quirky, how true.

Enough of ramblings, off to bed!

My social calender

2007-04-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

This post was somehow delayed for days. Due to my mediocre; close to nothing Photoshop skills.
Indeed the picture which you will see later would my maiden attempt on Photoshop, claps....
Thanks to Ed, on spurring me to try it out.

Yes social calender. We all would have one, literally, or even keeping one physical;which i think is a nice think to do. But I don't. Its a hassle, and the bottomline is, I don't care anyway.
Helping us keep track of every single possible social activity we are able to partake. Especially Birthdays, which i more or less couldn't remember any other than mine. Narcissist? I beg to differ.

Coincidentally, Adam's, Hazel's and my birthday happened to in April. Making it 2 Aries and 2 Taurus, cause special me is a CUSP! Marion held a mini-party for us, thanks! Thanks for the gifts and most importantly your time. During this turbulent exam period, where everyone is so busy, which i believe they are. Oh well, BEHOLD!

Tada! My masterpiece using Photoshop's Photomerge which caused my system to hang twice.

Thats 2 days off my social calender, as im happily striking off adam's and hazel's name off, oops so much of admitting i don't have one haha. Looking at the big pink box on 1st June. Winks.

Last day of my Uol revision, last of day of glenn morgan, hope he bewilders me tmr.
4 more weeks, the calm before a storm, I hate this feeling.

Ramifications

2007-04-07T04:45:00.000-07:00

What my dear buddy Raw certainly had pretty rough week. I dedicate my blog title for you, PUN INTENDED.
Visit http://rawtheboar.blogspot.com/ to find out MORE!
Think about it, HEY MY LAST MEAL WAS ACTUALLY......... PRATA! Heh, not so bad lah.
Ok, I'm such a jerk, sorry buddy.
If anything could be related to the number 23, I bet u could do so with PRATA!

Losing a friend is sad, i mean really, unbearable. Alan lost someone last week, cheer up dude.

Oh my, back to ramifications. Time is only vessel, we ought to give meaning to it and meanings comes from our actions.. voila!

Consequences should not be seem with negative publicity its exposed to. Its good, to realize that something is ought to happen no matter how or what you do, ha tell me about bounded rationality. Being weathered is great, it strengthens you, makes you think, makes you ponder, makes feel like giving up, and of course, you don't.

My nephews come over today, with plans to swim. Rain came.. oh well.

The distrastous4
Namely:
ISSAC
CHRISTOPHER
DAVID
DANIEL

We had cakes! Oh my what a party, it was CRAZY! All that running about, hide and seek, climbing up and down the sofa, hiding behind curtains, eating/snatching/spilling tibits, Pee-Pee/Poo-Poo, blah blah blah.

The rain went come, contemplating.
Chatting with my cousin was fantastic, gave much business insides on the prison industry and the new business he is starting, raving.

Example: $4000 per month call center job, outsourced to a inmate for $1000, which in turns gets paid for 5 dollars per day.

Example: Psycho me to do ACCA.

Example: USD$5000 per day job... doing business validation. Assesses how much a business is worth. Never thought of that, so many niches to explore.

GRRRR! STUDY!!!!!

My exam timetable is so COOL!

May 9 Marketing
May 15 OT
May 29 IDSM
JUNE 13 EICT<----HECK CARE FIRST MUAHAHA

Ding-dong study time...

Change

2007-04-01T05:57:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile, some kind of block was bestowed upon me. I can't think of what to say whenever i touched the keyboard.

Revelations? What happened?

Indeed, any person at some time would wait for one. It came into my mind one fine April Fool Sunday morning, savouring prata at 6 am. Raw posed a question about not eating beef as well as mutton for me. In fact was why i did want to try the darn good mutton curry. Faith.
(Fact) I don't consume beef and mutton.

Raw: Why?? Beef is the best meat in the world! I'll throw in Ms ____ + 1 million bucks, HA who could beat that!

Indeed, wavering seem like an option. It strengthened my resolve, I need something to hang on to.

Veran: Sometimes faith might be that last strain you could hang on to.

Faith, a belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. Not talking about any religion ho-ha.

Oh yes change, stuff like that just happens, its sublime. Always ask yourself first before staking a claim on someone. In case you ASSUMED you understand, instead of CHANGE, the hypothesis you set as assumption would be deemed false, you don't. How many people truely understand or just stuff crap into their wretched demeanoring life. Some would argue that this is life's little charade. ah.

Again, pretty liked your musing, I have faith, you should.

Botak Jones.. 8th March

2007-03-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

HAha finally get to eat the famous BOTAK JONES!

Hazel's German franks

Adam's Rosemary lamb

My Fish and Chips

Potions were HUGE, consider the amount fries. Which can be inevitable seen from the surrounding tables that NO can finish them. My fish was nicely fried. But it tasted normal, nothing spectacular.

The german sausages were nice but potion too little... awwwwwww

Did not try the lamb, but actually to Adam it was too salty.

The fries were nice but overly seasoned with chill.

Overall, value for money.

Location: Near Clementi MRT (sounds vague)

Hope to try the famous paper chicken beside SIM.

Pieces

2007-03-05T09:59:00.000-08:00

Night becomes day... caffeine becomes secondary.

New paradigms comes new rules.

The notion of studying like a loner for 60 straight days scares me.

My ego prevails, how about humility?

Maybe the path of oblivion you take leads you to heaven...

Chances are it will not.

Maybe you need someone to respect your choices, just to prove that you could make a really good?

Good luck then. I promise i wont say 'I told you so'.

Mock me

2007-02-21T21:42:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese new year! 恭喜发财!

The lunar new year buzz overwhelmed me for the past 2 weeks.
Busy, scurrying around. Going to the same places every year. Except lesser gambling each year, one word, BORING. Really sorry I could not attend the Falcon gathering on Monday, sorry wj! ARgh! Blame my hectic schedule, or i would say, a boring indeed. Angbaos seems lesser each year. So are the people.

Mocks next week, last night's marketing lecture was a reality check. So much to do, yet so little time.

Mock me mock me mock me.

OT

2007-02-10T01:13:00.000-08:00

OT lecture ended with a 'BANG' yesterday, only 20 ppl attended? cool. Sunny commented that we are heroes for attending.

Sunny: Wah.. surprised to see so many of you turned up on a friday evening.

Inside Sunny's brain: (What a bunch of lifeless dicks) <----haha kidding Mr Sunny is a nice guy ok?

Miss '1:45' wasnt late today... cos i took e same bus as her.

Nothing special, so boring so stumped.

Sunny: whats the mechanism in section B......................? ITs POWER

Fuck! study LPT also cant remember. Jialat Study paradigms to impress my markers? I hope got time. Easy way or hard? Ah choices!
Gender is definitely out.

PET or TCE?

Post-fordism? USA, Japan?

Im ready...

1 down 3 to go.

insomniac

2007-02-05T11:03:00.000-08:00

Many nights were spent trying to think of something to say to you. Sleepless, as usual, i fathom on what is actually going on. When everything becomes buried down deep inside, Its not unusual to be forgotten and unexpressed. Whenever i close my eyes, everything suppressed came flying to me, crazy i thought, maybe im destined to be. Some reflect NO while some YES, i just cannot stop thinking. Saying is easy, the execution isn't. So i wait, for an answer.

For those that might be reading this point, its totally nonsense to you, i totally agree.

Penning down every thought is impossible, i may be relentless but i will falter. I ask myself questions i try answer yours. Squandered, yes i am. Amusingly to note, i anticipated this outcome, but i never knew i would come crashing down on me. At such a speed, it caught me unprepared and sent me reeling. Unjust it maybe, made me ponder. Does it matter? I asked, it should be priceless and unquestioned? Being jovial and disheartened, i yo-yo ed between the spectrum. Goals were nonessential, the environment chose what i became. Specifically, you chose. I wonder why. Lost and beaten.

If you are still reading, thank you.

Clenched fist, I cannot let it go. I want to be im unable. Naive, but abstracted? Ha, what a joke. Pathetic, true.
Time give up on me, i wasted it. Leaving hardly any impact. Oblivious, it might be.

Tonight was different. Less thoughts, more answers. Unacceptable answers, the cold hard facts. Thoughts come and go before you can even think about it, leaving you utterly drained emotionally. So much to say yet so little to write. Perhaps im selfish and whiny.

Probably what you would feel if you are still reading, goodness me.

I should be relieved, but still having insomnia. How ironic. How sad. How pathetic. Darn the stereotypical image. Humiliated? I thank you for your lack of judgment. Fool's errand disguised, it started, nothing much to contest about it. It ended. How come? I went down without a fight. Being cowardice and being fine and cool about it, what a fine line.

Who r u? I wanted to cry. Words from a victor, I gladly accept.

Now, where's the vending machine im looking for?

tee-weeeeeeeee

2007-02-03T08:19:00.000-08:00

Yes i enjoy watching TV. Lost, heroes, prison break, guessx3 keep me glued to my LCD screen. Seriously i think its making me dumb. What an excuse to answer the incoherence in my thoughts these days. Maybe i AM. Drama, yes my form of escapism, this dull lifeless dude here waiting to discover my POWERS!
Craig Ferguson tickles me when i need a laugh, yeah relax, have a seat, remove your brains.

Puzzled and dearth in thought... i slough my way 'upgrading' my house. Lets get CNY over and done with. The obsession with newness, had me fixing nearly everything that needed to be fixed.
Such help can be greatly unappreciated, STOP screwing your temper around.

Spent 40 bucks on a pair of havaianas... finally got it, but heart damn pain.

Yes is not worth 40 bucks, but i dun care hahaha.

I know and understand the feeling she is going through right now, I wished i could fly over and tell her myself. Oh well. The feeling of having so much thoughts but the immense difficulty to pen them down really terrifies me. I know, i understand.
The idea of self-centred people, and not being reciprocated back what you expect of them sucks. More detachment, lesser expectations and the notion of 'letting it go' definitely helps.

To my 2 dear cousins that are having work problems lately, cognac session on the 10th woohoo!
Drink up and screw this world. (Fact)I suck at consoling people. I pursue a different philosophy, not that i am a cold-hearted freak.

And yes, back to rational-dependency theory, zzz

Pointless

2007-01-28T00:29:00.000-08:00

The week flew by, since i last posted, another 'stay home' week. Thank goodness i worked on Friday. Frankly speaking, i could really remember any substantial stuff i actually did. I am still coughing, which is bad, seems like my body is still coping with the drastic weather change happening right now. Staying at home seems like the most rational choice. The bad thing is i have to be under the scrutiny of my mum, constant nagging and housework which i think is totally unnecessary, like wiping the windows. Okay, maybe it was necessary, i am just plain lazy.
Friday was like the 'turning' pointing for the week.
Drank piping hot Starbucks, Miranda priestly style.
Bought a new bag, kudos to elieen for helping.
Got lambasted on MSN.

Finally caught up with the latest season of Prison Break. Good to be 'in the loop' once more.

Misquoting people out of context is a dangerous act, especially if it happens to you.
Some people just cannot mind their own business and starts goes around screwing up others' and starts 'helping' to you settle the problem. Absolutely absurd.
Wanted to do an official clarification here but i realised its pointless.
Schopenhauer said 'The truth can wait, for it lives a long time' What is that to say when the innocence gets entangled in this mess.
Starting knowing WHOM your true friends are, then maybe this world could be a better place.

The very moment you stop believing, everything disappears instantaneously.

Robitussin

2007-01-21T05:15:00.000-08:00

I was coughing so badly this week. I suspect the paint i had been working with last week.
I decided to get myself the American cough remedy of all times... ROBITUSSIN!~

Got the red bottle which says will induce more coughs... apparently it does that to discharge the phlegm out of my system... Thank goodness im better already when im writing this.. yesterday i was in a total wreck.

Its only 3rd week into the new year... im already feeling so Last year.
Finally the new year euphoria had worn off on me. Including that zest and fervor tagged along. Damn, wished they they never came.

Major To-do LIST
1) 3mths of readings on the floor x 4 modules to READ
2) Pass my freaking IPPT...(zzz)
3) Study HARD and how to get some 1st-class results (hopefully)

Im still

1) Poor
2) Not as philosophical as i wanted to be, reading Heidegger now and he totally blows me away.
3) Thinking of her

Time to get back on my feet. Starting running and reading. Try to forget about her.

I hope one day i could buy love on the vending machine... really...

Not porn you idiot... yes L O V E...

The convenient truth

2007-01-18T05:08:00.000-08:00

I AM your convenient truth. Anything... ITS ME

Yeah, by all means blame me.

Victim of someone's pointless rage...

If you already told the whole fucking world something PLEASE wake up, get a life, get a dog.
Its a not a secret anyway.

Screw this ugly world.

Alright, it seems that people are all living in pseudo space.
YOU sAy TELL THE TRUTH.
They will like go.. WHAT?! Wtf are you talking about.
Honest opinions are now ALWAYS deemed as sarcasm and criticism.
They just cant handle the cold hard facts.

Screw this fake world.

Ceilings...

2007-01-14T01:11:00.000-08:00

Its done!

However, i was given another assignment. Paint the rest of the ceilings minus the bedrooms. ZzZ

Why? My mum thinks im freaking free... (grumbles)

Everyone thinks im damn slack!... (whatever)...

I want to break away... i really want to.

Ceilings... Michelangelo

2007-01-09T07:46:00.000-08:00

Great Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling... turned out to be a brilliant masterpiece.

Some say it pales in camparison to Raphael's works, but ironically it was Bramante and Raphael whom convinced the Pope to commission great Michelangelo to do it.

IN FACT!!! Michelangelo forte was in sculptures NOT fresco painting. So why him?
Fierce debates there are, but the truth seems hidden.

Who cares about paintings, what i care is the ceiling!

Ceilings are definitely, to me, the hardest bitches to paint.

Why? I was ORDERED to paint my living room ceiling by my mum. Darn, it was hard work.
It was neck-breaking, had to climb up climb down, not to mention the crappy bad weather outside that made my paint dry so slowly blah blah blah. I swore i nearly broke my neck.

I realised, Michelangelo was GOD, he endured the Sistine Chapel ceilings for FOUR YEARS.
God knows how many times he took MC for neck-related injuries, BUT FOUR YEARS!!

When i visit the Sistine Chapel next time, I'll definitely relish the fact even you gay and your Platonic Love for male beauty which really irks me, you indeed painted well.

Ah, gotta do my 2nd coat tmr... zzz

Work and coffee

2007-01-05T08:26:00.000-08:00

My 1st friday of 2007, WORK!

Yes work, and yes i do like work. Work means coffee! As usual i would get my daily fix at marina, KILLINEY!

My fix was weak and bland! Literally started my day with a "bang", i wanted to bang the freaking wall. WHY? I have really no idea why the coffee SUDDENLY taste like crap.

(Fact 1) THE Uncle makes GOD-like coffee.

That should translate pretty well, uncle is having a mid-life crisis! A problem most men his age underwent in which 99% did not surive and start their second phase of life acting like a bunch of primary school boys bickering over the length of their underdeveloped dicks.
Which reminds me of the SOCCERBALL DILEMMA which i would elaborate next time.

Sorry uncle, ill give you a 2nd chance next thurs

O.o where was i? Yes work.

definition of WORK at citibank
1) read numbers, key in numbers
2) read rubbish, key in numbers
3) match numbers
4) match rubbish with numbers

(Fact 2) Adults cannot write numbers properly.

Today was first time back to office after the renovate.
(1st impression) wah spacious!!!!!!!!!
(Look again) damn they removed desk space for walking space. Officer's cubicles are halfed, pc's turned the OTHER way. Which is BAD! Wtf is higher management thinking?

Due the the new alignment of the pc's, we can see a GREAT change in area of sight.

officers: wow nice city view!
office minions: DIE! You sitting ducks!

6 hrs later...
officers:wow nice city view!
office minions: (grumbles) stop looking and work pls!

HAH! Foucalt's arguments on disciplinary society seemed weak here.

Oh yes worK! ah digress again oops.

(Fact 3) Im stumped by a dumb crossword puzzle i saw on daphae's desk.
_ _ _ : deadline give by someone? i thought was DUE
So...
EA_T_ _ _: not spending wisely????
if not DUE...
_A_T _ _ _ :WTF??!?!
Omg, try again on thursday!

Keying and authenticating numbers aint fun at all! But its SOOOO mindless that i could work and think at the same time. Cool!

I liken myself as a gifted pianist, i let my fingers do the magic while i think of school work, people, life, music, how to sing better how to do this do that solve this solve that. Thats great!
Why? Cos everyone's huddling in front of their PC's trying to finish work that can NEVER be finished on time. So no one bothers you anyway. With so much lag-time in between to load cheque images and rough paper abound, wooo you cound pen down so much notes!

(Fact 4) I do not know how to play the piano.

Lunch at suntec:
I ate Chicken teppanyaki noobdles... verdict:bad... (i ate what joyce eat, cos i lazy to choose)
Think about it, its better to eat something sucky than to eat something SOO normal. Really
Lunch entertainment:
Suaning Leng, to hone my skills further. I was gaining the uppering hand until she pulled a good out back on me regard my gay purple t-shirt. I lost. Nvm it was fun.

After lunch, i was in the v busy v impt v pissed v pls do not disturb me or ill bite mode.

oh YES! my CAP,

Everyone was like HEYYYY why r u wearing a mesh cap to work.

huishan: take off ur cap leh... must be nv wash hair (followed by laughter)
elieen: take off ur lah, u look v funny (silly giggle)
leng: laugh laugh laugh as usual
veran: ..................

Why cannot wear cap?!?! omgf... cos i was lazy to wax my hair duh. Pls dun sound like i commited the first biggest fashion faux paux of 2007 huh..
Your gender complain on men are boring, then complain about THE change, really, women...

What a exhilarating, tired day....

My latest squeeze

2006-12-31T02:31:00.000-08:00

You are boring, complicated and ugly.
But i will never judge you by your cover.
I promise to stand by you and read you the end.

My exam fees slip came today, and it was EXPENSIVE.
A wake-up call, a guiding beacon of light, a sense of focus. WHY DID I DO THESE MTHS??
Procrastination is a innate nature in all humans but many could curb IT... why didnt i?
The last stretch of road i chosen to follow, with signs clearly pointing to the right direction.
I know, but i stopped, i opened a door which lead me inside another room with more doors. I was lost. Blindly,i told myself to find the right direction, there was none! i was fooling myself all this while, there was NO CORRECT door!
No more doors, no more walking in circles. Im finding back my road.

Thats a heck of a New year's resolution :)

Across the causeway

2006-12-29T09:15:00.000-08:00

What a nice friday. It did not rain! Went to Msia with my cous jas, louise, and john.

Which i admited i was NOT interested at ALL in the first place. This is why....

jas: hey lets to msia on the 29th
louise: yeah! i wanna do pedicure and manicure... the full package...
veran. (omg...) errr.. ok hope it dun rain |Ps: jas and louise are sisters|
veran: so what i am i gonna do while you ppl are having your little treatment????????
jas: Do with us lah...
louise: yah u could do a pedi... 'looks at my feet'... u could do away with the dead skin
veran: (omg... im not that metro to THAT extent) errr... oh well... (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

Oh well, that was crap. Honestly who cares if i have smooth feet or toes or whatever...
my calluses are here to stay... why remove then when they are back like 1 week later?
Utter waste of money. No offense to guys that does mandicures (veran mumbles: fags),
But nah ill pass. :)

AHHH.. go lah... sian
Curse the emo shroud i put onto my worthless pathetic self.
Better to have a walk than still couped up at home.

SO, i came up with my backup plans if they went for spa.
PLAN A) Get drunk with cheap mochas at Coffeebean.
PLAN B) Walk around aimlessly while getting drunk on mochas.

Location: City square JB

Went for lunch: A lousy conveyor sushi restaurant at the basement

As you can see the sushi are cut SO unevenly. Taste was bland. My soba was lousy AND NO TEMPURA SAUCE... which is a big no-no. You must eat tempura with TEMPURA SAUCE!
Someone told me (Oops i rally whom) Crown Prince hotel at jb has great Jap food... hai nvm...

Went shopping: City square JB

nothing much to say, i bought a t-shirt and berms which i think was dirt cheap, wah got 50% discount somemore.
Jas bought Levi's. Which i think the salesgirl is HOT, 大S lookalike but definitely not chinese.. oh
Since PM lee said abt racial harmony on the news just now. I shall refrain on my further comments.

The manicure shop! Darn, while the girls went to check out the prices, i leaned on the glass door of the shop, mustering every ounce of facial muscle to produce the 'sad, lonely pls dun leave me' look. Which i presume caused this turn of events.

Louise: wah 530pm alr, i think we go sing KTV.
veran: (remaking the happy look) YEAH!!!

Location: Neway KTV, city square JB

4 hours, 2 free drinks with free buffet dinner at 35++ rm each.. sounds like a good deal!

Location: Room 22, Neway KTV, city square JB

Why it pawns kbox and partyworld
1) Wireless Mic with disposable mic covers (no more smelly Mics)
2) Easy to use system, able to adjust Echo Mic and Music volume digitally.
3) Fantastic sound system.
4) Polite and friendly staff.
Lastly, GOOD FOOD!

Definition of free buffet there:
1) 10 Appetisers and a salad bar.
2) A Sushi bar with a CHEF making them ON THE SPOT!
3) Sumptuous 10 course chinese buffet with freaking nice prawns and fish
4) a tim sum rack @.@
5) 5 different soups to choose from.
6) ChEESE FONDUE!!!!!! omg
7) desserts desserts and more desserts

Did not manage to take the pic of the buffet area... darn too paiseh cos got chefs walking around making sure there is enough food.

NICE! so i decided.........................

To Be a MEMBER!

Felt truely happy, really... thks!

Ginger wine

2006-12-28T01:03:00.000-08:00

Somber was the to describe me this Christmas. I swear i did not touch a any drop of alcohol on the eve. For which the aftermath was a distraughtly emo me. Was damn pissed over nothing the whole afternoon on Christmas day. Well, Schopenhauer's porcupine dilemma was in full play today, when 2 ppl get too close they r bound to hurt each other. Oh well, i survived the afternoon. ITS CHRISTMAS DINNER! Every year without fail, I would go my aunt's house for Xmas dinner. What a feast, the but highlight of the evening was the GINGER WINE. Which came after 4 glasses of Greentea Choya, i was like, this is so boring... so... courtesy of jasline, we drank this wonderful gem. Absolutely SPICY, it flames down my throat. A godsend during this wet and cold period. Low in alcohol content, its fantastic, what a finale.

Crap i was half-drunk. Here goes my somberness.. AGAIN

Went home. Went crazy. Really sorry.

Death note 2

2006-12-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

Woke up into a cold rainy afternoon... darn talk about 'dampening my spirits'
had to fix the freaking internet problem... which i found as due to the earthquake last night.

A day that mother nature proved to as again that we are all living on HER property... her backyard her rules... something i too realised 2 years ago when the tsunami struck... a right earthquake at the right location could easily caused something more catastrophic... maybe this time is juz a warning shoot lol who knows. Thats how far optimism brings you.

procrastinated my studies yet again... ahhhhhhh when will i start...

Watched |death note 2: the last name| with alan and cw...the movie was cool... misa was cool... i like the sick smile on her face whenever she kills... wooo a hot gothic chick. Alan and cw preferred sayu... yeah whatever. Light never died in vain Misa was behind him, loving him, when he slipped into oblivion.

Gonna miss of my frens tis 2007... those cool fags are travelling overseas for exchange.
Bed 7 bitch kw gonna fly to Alanta USA. Have fun.

Its finally here

2006-12-26T09:11:00.000-08:00

Gosh. After so much procrastinating, its finally here.

Why i didnt blog sooner.

1) im juz plain lazy.

2) im lazy to think of more reasons to deceive you.

See? u r starting to like me already

Enjoy